Thanks to a friend mentioning my blog, it brought to my attention that it's been almost a year since I have done anything with this thing. Geezo! Where does the time go? Is anybody still out there? Do you remember ol' Kristyemac? Well, she's back. I might need a bit of attitude adjustment but I'm gonna pull myself together and see if I can get this thing rollin' again.
Dancing has always been my de-stressser...and I'm stressed! Why in the world have I been sittin' on my patootie every night and not gettin' myself out and findin' me a place to dance! Well, I'm gonna try to change that.
I've hit a bit of a snag in my life this past year, both financially and emotionally. I think it's time to do something about the emotional part. Heck, it might even change the financial part...who knows? I have this fear that if I show up in one of the local juke joints nobody will ask me to dance. That would make me cry. I don't like to cry.
If I'm thinkin' correctly one my first blogs was about times a'changin'. Well, they've done some major changin' this past year. The realization that people aren't always who we think they are hit me smack in the middle of my head and sent me spiralling into a deep depression. Yes, I said it. I've been deeply depressed....and it hasn't been very pretty. The only thing that has kept me going is a job that lets me work as much as I want to and I've been working pretty much seven days a week for the past 8 months. Doesn't leave much time for fas' dancin'.
Depression is one of those words that we're afraid to use...afraid it will push people away from us...and it's true. It makes us "marked"...one of those people to be avoided. The sad thing is that while admitting your depression and making those around you uncomfortable, you are actually causing them to push you away when you need them the most. I have come to the conclusion that it's ME pushing others away. Depression makes you feel "unworthy". It gives you a feeling that you don't want to waste other people's time with YOUR sickness, therefore sending you deeper into that dark place. I have been in that dark place for pretty close to a year now. I think it's time for me to come back.
I need people, music and laughter around me. I need to feel my feet moving to the rhythm. I need to DANCE!
It's taken me a year of grieving over the loss of friends that I never really had. I now realize that it's a good thing that I found out they were not really my friends. They were just bodies. Bodies that I allowed to use me in the hopes that I would gain their approval and become someone that they wanted in their life. I needed to be needed.
And, yeah....I think there were some of those, too! I am slowly pulling myself out of this depression. The work goes on, because it is essential to my economic survival. But I will now find the time and make myself go out dancing....to let the music and my feet take me away from all the troubles that I think I have. Think is the key word to depression. When I look around I realize that I have it so much better than many. I have my health...I have my boys...I have a job...and I have a faithful old woman dog who is glad to see me every time I walk in the door.
So, I'm gonna start with a little dancin'. Do me a favor and if you see me out, chewing my nails...and looking a bit scared...Just DANCE WITH ME! You'll be doing a therapeutic service to someone in need...and who knows...you might enjoy it as much as I do!
Kristyemac is gonna beat this thing and I'm gonna come back stronger than ever. It's gonna start with some fas' dancin'.
Thanks for hearing me out...and thanks to those that are still hangin' in there with me. I've said it and I feel better. It's gonna be a good ride from here!
Seems I forgot my own advice...if all else fails...just dance!
THANKS FOR DROPPING IN...HOW ABOUT A COMMENT?
